Listen to the Wind
by only here in your arms
Summary: Clare finds a pair of headphones in her room and decides to give it back to its owner. But after reminiscing in the past and remembering what this object stood for, she realizes that maybe she's not ready to let go. ONE SHOT.


**I would've updated one of my stories but I was at the beach this weekend. An hour after I got back, I got this idea and wrote it out in just an hour or two.**

**I really love this, actually. I hope you do as well.**

**Twitter: hereinyourarms_**

**Tumblr: onlyhereinyourarms**

**ONE SHOT! ONLY A ONE SHOT.**

**Thanks for reading! Please review!**

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><p>Clare's mom had been nagging her to clean her room for at least a week now and Helen had threatened her with being grounded if she didn't start so grudgingly, Clare cancelled her plans with Jake for dinner and a movie for tonight so that she could focus on getting her room clean. She was never messy in the first place but in between her duties on the Degrassi Daily, homework, and making time for Alli and Jake, her room became a second thought.<p>

After eating an early dinner with her mom, who was going out for a movie with Glen, Clare started cleaning up with putting all her dirty clothes in the washer. She didn't realize how badly she got with throwing her clothes on the floor until she picked up the clothes and threw them in the hamper. She struggled bringing her clothes to the washer because of how full it had gotten. She got an extra trash bag from under the kitchen sink and brought it up to her room.

The trash that had collected underneath the clothes and just merely thrown around was astronomical. Clare had to find rubber gloves so that she wouldn't get grossed out.

"Jeez, I have to get Jake to stop bringing candy bars up here," she mumbled to herself as she continued to pick up the random trash. Most of it happened to be something food-ish related. Never actual food. Jake ate and seemed to just toss the wrapper when finished.

Clare reached her hand under her bed, afraid to actually see what was down there, and checked for things that could've been pushed underneath. Her gloved hands touched something rather soft and she winced. "Oh gross," she said disgusted and finally when she looked at it, it was just a plush pillow. "Oh," she laughed at herself. And then rolled her eyes, realizing that she was talking to herself.

Clare reached under again and moved her arm back and forth to feel any foreign object and her fingers grazed something. With a small struggle she reached further and managed to wrap her fingers around it. She pulled it out and saddened at the sight of it.

Eli's headphones.

"_You might wanna borrow these. In case things get worse with your folks. Or if you need to ignore an English partner."_

That memory was still fresh in Clare's mind. And now look where they are presently.

Clare's parents are divorced. She and Eli weren't together. Eli didn't have Morty. Clare still had his headphones.

At that moment in time, when Eli lent Clare these headphones, Clare made up scenarios in her mind about what it meant. She decided on one scenario that she believes, to this day, to be true.

Eli trusted her. This was obviously something he cherished and used, since it stayed around his neck almost always, and for Eli to give it up so that it could help her, that wasn't a light gesture. It was meaningful and started a connection between them. It started a trust, a bond, and somehow a permanence. Because as long as Clare had this, Eli was there. Still in her life.

After the play, Clare was relieved to have her Love Roulette coverage duties over with. No more having to stress out about setting up interviews, spending time in read throughs, or having to spend such awkward times with Eli. She had tried to interview him twice and both failed drastically. The first consisted of him menacingly telling her that the play was about their dramatic relationship, the introduction of his eventual-yet-failed leading lady Imogen, and his relinquish of medication. The second was of Eli's emotions fluctuating from extremely high to low, complimenting Clare then later yelling at her, after asking several questions which were left unanswered and Jake showing up early to wait for Clare. Then when she tried to find him for a quote after his heartbreaking yet stunning play, he was nowhere to be found.

What Katie Matlin said when assigning her the play for the newspaper turned out to be false. She did not spend lots of time with Eli. But she was both relieved and disappointed in that fact.

Whenever she was around him, Eli was on edge with teetering emotions. But it meant she was around him and that, that is something unmatchable.

Clare remembered those nights she spent using the headphones while doing her homework. It did a great job drowning out the fighting. It became a habit. She'd go home, put on her headphones and listen to music, and drown out the world around her. It had worked. She managed to avoid so many nights having to listen to her parents fighting. When her parents finally finalized their divorce, she had not much use for the headphones anymore.

Then her and Eli's relationship became a tough one with Eli's protectiveness increasing and Clare's need for space. She knew she wanted a break but never realized how it would turn out. Did she think Eli would crash his car for her? No. Did she think she could have the guts to break up the guy who was already hurting? No. Did she do it on purpose? Of course not. But that's how it went down.

And from the time she got the headphones from him and now, it seemed like a dream. Her life became one perfect for a soap opera or a novel. But she would never change anything, except maybe how they ended.

The headphones suddenly felt heavy in her hands and Clare felt the need to return it to its owner. After Love Roulette, they had no reason to talk or interact but this felt like a constant link between them now. She couldn't fully let go knowing she had something of his. Plus she had no use for it. The house was a much more silent place without the fighting.

Knowing her mom wouldn't find out, Clare started walking to Eli's house. She would have waited to give it to him at school but she hadn't seen him there for a few days now and after annoying Adam a little bit, she found out that he was taking some time out for himself. She was happy for him, knowing that he was finally starting to care for himself.

Summer was rapidly approaching and it was already starting to get warm. Clare relished in the chilly breezes that came by. They would push against her, hitting her face gently, until the breezes began to whip harder and pushing her back more forcefully, making it difficult to move forward.

Clare finally got to the beginning of Eli's street and the sight of his house caused her to pause. She'd gone there by herself a few times before. Biking her way over, practically throwing herself at him and getting rejected. Walking there with the plan to get into his room to find her dad's watch. Her and Eli walking hand in hand to this house so he could really show her what his room looked like and get started on help for it.

She wondered if his room was cleaner or not. If he got rid of his lock. If he had Imogen in it.

He'd hidden his room from her for many months. The thought of Imogen already in his room after just a month or so, it made her a little sick.

Clare finally managed to have her legs move forward again, closer and closer to Eli's house, and stood at the front of their walkway. She imagined Eli inside with Bullfrog and Cece. They always had a lively household whenever she was there. She knew it wasn't any different now that she wasn't there. She imagined Eli finally relaxing after hectically working on the play for days on end. She imagined Eli smiling, happy to be getting better.

She looked down at the headphones, knowing if she gave it back, it would seriously symbolize that they were over. Not just their relationship but their friendship as well. They started out as forced friends really, after Ms. Dawes assigned them as partners, but as they got to know each other, it evolved into a good friendship then quickly turned into their epic romance. These headphones started it all. Clare's broken glasses technically started it all but they were no longer at odds with each other after this exchange with the headphones.

Clare managed to get up to the door, her hand raised to knock, when she turned around and walked away again. The last time she walked away from him, they were both in tears. This time, she was the only one crying. She wasn't ready to let go of all the connection she had with him. Sure, she told Jake that now she and Eli could go their separate ways but she knew that that was false. Eli would always be with her, even if they never saw each other again.

As she hurried away from his house, she put the headphones on and crossed her arms over her chest. She no longer heard anything other than the beat of her heavily beating heart. Even just the thought of letting him go fully caused her heart to hurt. She couldn't imagine actually letting him go, no matter how hard she tried. She knew her heart would fail her. Her heart would never let her forget her first true love.

The wind was now matching her direction, pushing her forward.

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><p>A few days into his mental health break, Eli finally felt well rested and a lot better. His mind was no longer racing. His body was no longer heavy. His eyes regained its color and the bags under them were gone. His skin was no longer cold. It was a huge difference and he knew it made Bullfrog and Cece proud. He even made himself proud. He never imagined that he could feel this better.<p>

Eli heard something outside his front door and waited for a knock that didn't come. He thought it could've been someone trying to sell something, but didn't think any of it and just continued to sort through the closet near the front door.

His curiosity got the best of him and he opened the door to no one standing there. He stepped out and looked back and forth on the sidewalk and saw a figure with light colored curls, wearing denim and a dress, and putting on headphones. It took a moment for him to realize that that was one of his old pairs, which he gave to Clare.

Clare had been at his door with his headphones, but obviously decided to keep them.

He didn't know if he should be happy or sad.

Happy because Clare still had something of his to remind her of him…rather than his heart.

Sad because as much as he wanted to run after her, he couldn't and shouldn't.

Eli was finally feeling better and knew that Clare would potentially ruin his improvement. Well, not Clare herself but the way she made him feel. His emotions were finally in check and this would only mess it up again.

Even though he couldn't run after her, he was glad that she decided to keep them. He remembered the day he gave them to her. He was pushing her too far and she stood up for herself. That moment made Eli realize how special Clare really was. She was complicated like him but was still independent. He knew Clare used the headphones regularly but must've forgotten about them.

Eli's mind began racing again. What was up with her parents now? Did they finalize their divorce? What made her coming to return the headphones? What made her leave?

He took deep breaths to clear his mind again and stepped back in the house. He was choosing to forget about Clare for now. His mind needed clarity.

But he couldn't stop smiling, knowing Clare was still thinking of him.


End file.
